Man vs. Wild...I mean Woman

Alright, it's boys versus girls!! 

You all remember those competitions in elementary, middle, and high school. The dodgeball tournaments, the flag football in P.E., trivia in class, and tag at recess. Good times, right?

Well, those were all good and fun. I'm sure as adults we still do the same thing, when we get together for a game of Uno or Settlers of Catan and whatnot. So, what do you remember about how everyone acted during those games? Which of the genders was most competitive? Which individual would be the one smack talking and rubbing it all over your face? And what was your role? Did you run right up to the front lines and chuck that rubber dodgeball at that cute guy/girl on the other side, or were you the one in the back picking up the stray balls and giving it to the brave souls on your team?

I know I was mostly the latter. Only occassionally was I up in the front. But set aside the fact that I'm a girl; there were guys on the other side doing the same thing as me. To be honest, we were the scraggly skinny ones who couldn't aim to save our lives. But those times when I was up in the front, I was adrenaline crazed and ready to pummel those suckers into the ground. It was interesting to see how the roles would reverse sometimes. Not every girl was cowering on the floor, and not every guy was Mr. Macho. I mean, of course you'll sometimes have the jock who just wants revenge every week, and the girl who doesn't want to break a nail is a frequent thing to see. But our gender roles and tendencies play a huge part in who we are and how we act.

Last week in class we talked about gender. ALL about it! Hopefully I don't bore you with my findings, maybe you guys think about this as a usual thing, but I thought it was super cool!

Let's look at girls. Now, be warned, this doesn't reflect all girls everywhere who have lived, are living, and will live. This is just a general summarization :) No stress.
Pigtails. Dress up. Pink and Purple. Dollhouses. Princesses.

Girls tend to be more detail-oriented. They sense when something is wrong or someone is feeling a certain emotion. They can be much more sensitive to relationships. For example, when little girls play, they put the whole family together and make stories out of it. They also tend to be a bit more gentle and emotional than the boys.

Now for boys, their habits and tendencies are pretty different from the girls. They tend to be more action-oriented, with some rough and tumble in there. They're usually jumping off roofs or building rock-fortresses or playing in the mud.

But these "boundaries" between males and females are actually not quite boundaries, but more of roles. I know personally, I'm the type of girl who loves to go shooting with my dad and wrestling with my little brothers, even though I usually lose to them now that they're getting bigger than me...

I have really been learning a lot in class lately about how we sometimes put too much of a list or restriciton on what males and females can and cannot be, and what they can and cannot do. I think sometimes we are too desencitized by our culture or the growing worries of same-sex attraction that mold our thinking. There was something in class that we talked about that REALLY stuck out to me.

We discussed a situation in which a father found out that his 2 year old son was playing with Barbies. At first, as usual with a father figure who finds out that his little boy is playing with his sister's feminine toys, Dad starts to freak out a bit. I know my dad would, and he did sometimes. My younger brother Mason used to throw a huge tantrum when the girls got out the nail polish to paint nails, and my dad would adamantly forbid him to do it, even a blue or black shade. But what is the right move here for dad? Should he burn all the Barbies in the firepit out back for prevention? Should he let his son be himself, following his desires? Or, should he do something different? The answer that we talked about, and that was concluded to be the best method, was that Dad should let his son play Barbies. BUT, before you freak out, here's the catch. Dad needs to PLAY BARBIES WITH HIM. And Dad can be Barbie, while the son can be Ken. The son can play and practice the masculine role.
I had never thought of it this way before. It makes sense, because 1) father and son get some male-bonding time, and 2) the son even gets to be the dominant male, playing the role of the man. It lets the son play Barbies like he wants, because let's be honest, Barbies are pretty cool. You can dress them however you want, move their arms and legs in any way, and even take off their heads!

I thought it was so interesting in class this week, learning the patterns and habits that many males and females have, even from birth. It helped me to recognize those things in my own life, and even to have more patience with children and people who have different tendencies than I might have!

So, whenever the next boys against girls game happens, remember, CRUSH THEM :D

Got Mexico?

Hola! 

Como estas? 

This week was a real eye-opener for sure. I want you all to think about Mexico for a minute. Maybe some of you lucky people have been there before. Maybe some of you haven't! Lots of you eat chips, salsa, and quacamole. You enjoy burritos, enchiladas, and tacos as a normal part of your diet during the week. I know I do. You probably even say words in Spanish as you talk to people or see movies with the big sombreros, pinatas, and bright colors. You might even have Hispanic background in your genes, live near people of that nature, and love these amazing people. I know many people who are in this situation, whether it be the first-generation or several generations ago.

In class this week, it featured the Mexican people who have been able to find their way to the U.S. for different reasons. We talked about the different situations that were and are faced by families who decide to immigrate here. And we kind of did a "role-play". For some people, you'll know what that is (returned missionaries). A role-play is when you pretty much pretend and act out what you would do in a certain situation. We chose a mother, father, a 14 year old son, an 11 year old daughter, a cousin, an aunt, an uncle, and a grandmother as part of this Mexican family. We began with the whole family together, with the immediate family very closely related and involved with one another. Mom and Dad were good and happy together, the kids loving life with their friends and doing well with growing up. We then move to when the father decides to head to the United States to start building a better life for the family. It was interesting to me to find out that most, if not all, of the Mexican immigrants, made this huge move for the benefit of their children. They just want the best for one another, and that was something that stuck with me throughout the whole class and even afterwards as I thought about immigration, how it isn't just for Mexican immigrants, but all immigrants who face an entirely new world. Once the father got to the U.S.(this was all just a scenario played out by college students, the real stuff takes years and years and years and involves so much more heartache and pain than I can ever put into words...), things got harder than he thought. No matter what the qualifications he had in Mexico, he would still struggle to find a stable job enough to provide for himself, let alone for his whole entire family whom he had left behind in his beloved Mexico. Often, he would be living in a small apartment with other men in similar situations. Over the period of time when the family is separated, a lot of changes are experienced... Mom becomes the head of the household and the main provider for the family. The son begins to grow up in his teenage years without a father figure in the house. The daughter feels alone, with Mom at work all the time and only her moody brother for company. She misses her dad, and doesn't know how she's going to handle the changes comign up in her next few years. Mom always seems grumpy. Grandma, Aunt, and Uncle are doing their best to help out where they can. Life is so different now...

(FAST FORWARD 3 YEARS)

Everything is ready! The family is packed up and ready to make their journey to the United States. Dad is there waiting for them. It's been three years since Mom got to see her husband, and they barely ever got to talk over the phone thanks to expensive phone rates. The son has shot up in height and attitude. The daughter is now reaching those crucial years. When they reach the U.S., they can barely understand what people are saying, despite practicing English long into the night. It's so much harder in person! The family moves into the same apartment Dad has been living in, because he couldn't afford anything more. Mom's relationship with him feels strained...Whenever Dad tries to exercise paternal authority over the kids, they just resist...They aren't used to having him try to be the father, so there's no way they're going to listen to someone they don't know very well anymore. And something that occured to me about this situation was how sad it was for EACH MEMBER of the family. Dad just wants the best for his wife and kids. Mom just wants to support her husband and raise her kids with good things in life. The kids love Mom and Dad, they just haven't been able to get to nuturing they need. The family seems to have drifted apart, and it's no ones' fault...

There was a lot more to the story, and many other different kinds of stories. This definitely doesn't represent every situation and family, but this really opened my eyes to the Mexican immigrants, since they are so prevalent, but even to just all immigrants in the United States. My ancestors from Europe probably experienced many similar things when they dropped everything they knew to come here to  the other end of the world to find a better life for their families, which means me. I am effected by this concept, and every single one of us can be affected in different ways.

I thought it was so cool to learn, and it really opened my eyes to the depth that these situations can have, and we only see headlines and statistics about immigration. I'm so glad to have learned about this, because it makes me so much more willing to accept people and to even offer help when needed! It just makes me more determined to be tolerant and loving to ALL, no matter who we are or where we come from, in relation to the last post!

I hope you'll look into it more. There's a great article we read in class that changed about half the class' perspective on this whole situation. Let me know if you want it, I can totally get it to you!

…. Amaos unos a otros….

...Yonn renmen lòt…..

...Любить друг друга...

...LOVE ONE ANOTHER...

Different?

So, I'm going to start off with a few quotes to kind of intitiate the topic for this post. I love these quotes, being half-Jamaican (at heart) and knowing what I know about all of God's children.

"Diversity is not about how we differ. Diversity is about embracing one another's uniqueness." - Ola Joseph

"The world in which you were born is just one model of reality. Other cultures are not failed attempts at being you; they are unique manifestations of the human spirit." - Wade Davis

This week in class as we talked about the different theories that exist pertaining to the family. There are four different types, being Conflict, Exchange, System, and Symbolic Interaction. One of those that really hit home with me was the Symbolic Interaction. This has to do with the ways that we interact with people, such as the way we greet one another. Here in the United States, when we see a family member we usually give them a nice big hug. When our husband comes home from work after a long day, we greet him with a nice warm dinner and a kiss for dessert. As we meet our banker or a complete stranger, we shake hands and exchange warm pleasantries. But, if you go on a vacation to Mongolia for example and attend one of their special occassions, in order to greet someone, you would actually snuff tobacco from the bottle being passed around to the group. Or, in the Middle East, you will give two kisses to whoever you are meeting, regardless of their gender. So, needless to say, there are a lot of different symbolic interactions that different cultures observe. I know that in Jamaica, I would experience things that I wasn't really used to doing in my own culture. I noticed that as I lived with different individuals from other cultures, sometimes we would have misunderstandings because we had been brought up differently. It would even get funny sometimes. One time we were going at each other for how each towel should be used, how this one should never touch the floor, this one shouldn't be used to clean this up, and this one shouldn't be hung on this bar. I look back and laugh at it now. But it's so true that it can be really hard to overcome the differences when we've never known what those differences are.

It's not even just between culture to culture; I see it every single semester I have attended at BYU-Idaho. Four girls in an apartment, all having different families, different traditions, different personalities, and different experiences. That was one thing we talked about in class, was about how when things like this happen, or even when marriage occurs and two people join together, conflict theory can appear. This refers to the conflicts that can happen when differences come together. Think about when the hot water runs out, and we have to budget time in the shower. Or about how it just drives you CRAZY that that certain roommate isn't doing dishes, or leaving watermarks on the counter after she brushes her teeth. We ALL get it! :) 

We also talked a lot about how we just misunderstand each other. We kind of expect one another to be perfect; we may say we don't do that, but I think to different extents we do this in our minds. We tend to judge one another and forget that we're all going through a journey. The journeys are all totally different and unique to every person, but they're all hard nonetheless! That was what I learned in class....QUIT COMPLAINING. QUIT JUDGING. And yeah, I'll be annoying and even quote the Golden Rule. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!" Same principle folks. There's a reason it's the Golden Rule. It was interesting to re-learn that, and to get a reminder from everyone in the class about how every soul is great in the sight of God. About how I need to start seeing the people I pass on the freeway or walk by in Walmart or live with in Rexburg in a better light. Everyone needs a break, SO GIVE IT TO EACH OTHER! 

I'll leave you with one last quote. And I'm going to ask you to leave your thoughts in the comments! :) I feel like I'm having a one-sided conversation here. What do YOU think? :)

"It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences." -Audry Lorde